It's a New Thing
by Dorobou
Summary: And thusly, Naruto dubbed it, "The day when the little 'Sasukes' finally started doing something about reviving the whole Uchiha clan." In which, Sasuke viciously attacked because of the long-winded and completely idiotic title. :SasuHina:


**It's a new thing.**

Marriage was a new thing.

Just as a certain taboo topic was a new thing.

There he was, sitting there in the large complex sipping on fragrant green tea when that random thought decided to make itself known.

The remaining son of the Uchiha clan had never thought it would actually happen to him. Because, quite frankly, what happened over the course of his teenage years called for death in the end; that, or revert into hermit mode, ever carrying the horrible burden of the Uchiha clan secrets and power. Now that he thought about it, the hermit style wasn't so bad to begin with. He would gladly roam the lands teaching young ones of his epic deeds and showing the destructive power only he could produce.

Once Sasuke looked across the table where a quiet woman sipping tea sat, he immediately discarded the thought. Her large opal eyes shown sincerity and warmth, love and understanding, happiness and regality. Where others had off-handedly moved on or decided that he was the embodiment of evil, she had shown him quiet kindness and offered him friendship (which he had snappishly refused for about five times; he came crawling back in the end.)

She was a soothing presence. A lovely being. A radiant light.

But... more importantly, he knew what was going to happen tonight.

With a tiny sip of his tea, Sasuke fought all urge to just jump her right then and there, stripping every last bit of her clothes off to the point which she would cower and he would sadistically grin.

Like hell would he go live in the mountains.

* * *

"Foreplay." 

"That's where you start. And then from there, it all pieces together."

Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you talking to me?"

A bright eyed, blonde haired jounin took his seat next to his best friend in the ramen stand after a long morning training. That was the first thing he said, foreplay. No simple hello or a teasing name call, but the simple word that made anyone near him twitch.

"What are you, stupid? Of course I am, and of course I know what's going to happen tonight."

Sasuke was given a whole minute before he replied. During that whole time, his head imploded as a thousand books of "Icha Icha Paradise" erupted in his head. Only, it wasn't pleasurable. The hard-bound books knocked every nook and cranny of his cranial mass as he registered the word "foreplay" coming out of his best friend's mouth.

Rather then mustering up enough poison to curse at him, he opted to just get straight to the facts. It was enough that Uzumaki Naruto initiated the whole conversation; and if he knew anything about the "unpredictable" ninja beside him, he would spill his guts out to the world in rebuttal to his simple insult. Everyone would know simply because he was the loudest ninja to ever grace Konoha village.

"Sakura," came the to-the-point reply.

"Sakura," came the affirmation of Sasuke's suspicions.

He made sure to post it in the back of his head: Kill Her.

And before Naruto could make any suggestions in his personal life, Sasuke slammed down his money and walked out of the store.

Yea, as if that made Naruto suppress the urge to tease him.

"Look. I know a lot of tips about how to get things going between you two," came a loud shout.

Sasuke didn't turn back to look at who it came from. It was just too painfully obvious.

"I guess you're talking from experience?"

A nervous laugh.

"...Yeeaaah."

Silence.

"You're pathetic."

"Experience meaning I've read a ton of smutty books!"

Naruto saw him trip.

"So, in a sense, I do have a lot of experience. At least... compared to you."

And at that moment when Naruto wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, Sasuke wanted punch his face inside out.

"So take it from an expert! Especially from someone who trained under the infamous author of the books Kakashi adores."

They looked at each other solemnly.

"In other words, I should take things from an expert observer of fictional intercourse. Especially from a pervert who trained under the dirty old man who wrote the books another pervert is obsessed with."

They looked at each other solemnly, again.

Naruto nodded.

"I can very well take care of things myself."

Naruto nodded again, but with a quirked eyebrow he said, "You're talking as if it were a mission."

Silence once more. A child with a lollipop passed by, sucking it sweetly and slobbering all over the stick. A young man up ahead was reaching into a tiny whole that held his belongings hostage; he shoved in and out, grunts of frustration escaping him as he tried to reach for his weapons that his little brother had precariously thrown in as a prank. A young woman beside them cried as she claimed her boyfriend pricked her and blood was seeping out.

"Get lost," he muttered and resumed walking back home.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

Well wasn't he damn persistent?!

"Sasuke, just turn back and look at me."

"No."

"It's worth it."

"I thought we already agreed that your face is ugly."

"I know, I know, but you're not going to look at my face!"

Curious, Sasuke did look back.

Wait... was that... huge jugs?

Over there.

And there.

Over there too?

Sasuke had stopped walking and observed the magazine. He was so engrossed in the odd image to ponder if Naruto had always carried these... things... around with him.

"I can tell you a few things about this thing we call... sex."

And thusly, Naruto dubbed it, "The day the little 'Sasukes' finally started doing something about reviving the whole Uchiha clan." In which, Sasuke viciously attacked because of the long-winded and completely idiotic title.

* * *

He came home in the afternoon with an odd swagger in his steps. 

Hinata, whose face has been burning a bright red all day, greeted him with an embarrassed smile.

She had been avoiding his eyes, however, not certain about how to act toward him in the few hours before they had a _real_ conversation.

So, instead, Sasuke decided to just plainly look at her in the eye and say, "Lace is nice. It should be red... and really small."

* * *

What kind of couple plans the day they decide to seal the deal? 

Sakura had pondered this question ever since Hinata had come to her with her face the shade of a bomb that was ready to explode. In fact, her whole head fitted the very description.

As she shopped with Hinata the afternoon before _the night_, Sakura only came up with one conclusion: only the weirdest couple, an estranged Uchiha with no sexual experience and formerly hell-bent on killing his brother and a disowned Hyuuga matching the Uchiha's own sexual experience and with the shyest manners anyone could behold, could only do that. That was a mouthful to describe the two people in one sentence, which Sakura had lamely limited herself to. Nonetheless, she had never questioned as to how the two had even come to the decision or how they even brought up the subject. Then again, they were married.

"Lacy, red, and small," the medic-nin repeated, each syllable rolling off her tongue. She didn't know he had it in him.

Sakura had to steady the petite girl beside her once again when the idea returned to her head. At least she didn't faint as in the hours before when Sakura came to the Uchiha compound and asked for the young woman. Sasuke had answered the door and told her she was taking a nap, which was a better way of saying that Hinata was knocked out for roughly an hour or so after he suggested the apparel.

"Um... yes. He had a strange... sparkle in his eyes, too," she muttered, brushing away the bangs that stuck to her sweating forehead.

Sakura shivered. So, he _really_ liked it.

She'll have to ask Naruto about that later.

"Not much of a selection in here, hm?" She sighed as she looked around the womanly shop. Just a lingerie store. Nothing inside it was supposed to be out of the ordinary or eye-popping. They were kunoichi after all. Completely bashing an opponent into a pulp while wearing thin and flowery thongs would have been the final killing factor if any men were to find out what hid beneath such manly clothes. Sakura then had to reconsider that thought- perhaps it wouldn't be so bad at all. She was about to imagine herself wearing something very racy while she pummeled Naruto with deadly punch after deadly punch until Hinata had tugged at her sleeve.

"I don't think I see anything that fits his description," she murmured.

Sakura nodded disappointedly. For a shop specializing in lingerie, it sure didn't have the necessities of everyday life.

"I know this shop on the other side of town..." She then mentioned.

Hinata's eyes perked up, which served to almost knock Sakura's composure out the window. Did she just brighten up at the possibility of wearing something so... unlike her?

She easily smoothed over that unwanted thought and proceeded. "Yea, Naruto took me to it one day."

They looked at each other.

It's better not to question about it.

"W-We should go then?"

Sakura looked at the time. Thirty minutes only remained until evening, and she was pretty confident they would want to get started pretty early.

"I'm sure he doesn't care all that much. You are going to take them off after a second anyway..."

Hinata looked at her with innocent curiosity. "What should I do?"

A sudden evil glint appeared in her eyes.

"Oh, I know something any guy would love."

* * *

So, when night came, Sasuke was lazily shifting through his drawers after taking a nice hot bath. He repeated one word that had been in his mind all that day, and there was no need to bluntly say what that exact word was. He was busily thinking about the things Naruto had happily supplied: she would come to him in a robe looking about ready for bed, but suddenly she'd easily slip out of it and start to seduce him right then and there. It had been replaying in his head so much that he didn't notice the figure walking over. 

It slid its hand around his torso and pushed itself against his strong build.

When he looked down to find a completely bare Hinata tenderly rubbing up against him (and coincidentally, it was a nice pair of plump breasts that nudged him), Sasuke had felt blood running down his nose and an explosion of odd sensations running through him. He was so utterly baffled from the complete display of full naked glory that he jumped away from her and slammed into something completely opposite of Hinata's plush body. He gave the wall a nice greeting by ramming his head into it by accident.

* * *

The next day, he was too embarrassed to even look at her. 

When Naruto came up to ask him about any juicy details, Sasuke's answer was a fist to his face.

When Sakura came up to apologize about what happened (he had twitched at how easily his wife shared "secrets" with her), Sasuke was left completely humiliated once more when she handed him a bag that was colored a hot pink. Inside it was something lacy, red, and small.

* * *

So, sex was new thing. 

And if last night was any indication, that would only be the start of their lamentable attempts in reviving the whole clan. The unfortunate couple should have stopped listening to Naruto and Sakura by the second try where they had attempted to watch a certain video together (courtesy of Naruto) that resulted in the faint of Uchiha Hinata instead. And then the third, when Sakura had told given them interesting products to stimulate the senses; it only served to make Uchiha Sasuke throw them in the trash at the sight of something vibrating quite enthusiastically. Suffice to say, he had gone out on a feral hunt that evening.

If there was one consolation: it was that red, lacy, and small thing still in the closet if the time ever came when they would successfully have a "real conversation."

* * *

**Ending Notes:** Pure fun

* * *


End file.
